


Late Night Kisses of a Forgotten Love

by Fluffykitty9000



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Hidden Relationships, Homophobia, M/M, Modern Era, Sexuality Crisis, Young Love, gay slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 10:36:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffykitty9000/pseuds/Fluffykitty9000
Summary: Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.





	1. The line we walk on

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me. The characters are all in high school in this fanfic so this is not force shipping 11 year olds so please don't be rude to people who read this, they have a right to their ships. I made this for a friend so I hope she and you all enjoy! :D

Richie was friends with only the small group of kids that went to church with him up until grade 5, that's around the time he met Eddie, Bill, and Stan. Upon meeting them he spent less time with his bible loving friends and more time with his new exotic friends that didn't spend Sundays trapped in a stuffy wooden building wearing suits. Well everyone but Stan that is, but he was Jewish so it was different. Anyway a friendship was born and they all became close quite quickly.

Richie should have stayed with his church friends, but he didn't which was stupid of him, but that is Richie. So he spent his time away from his church friends and spent time with others. This lead to him trying more things like swear words, telling off teachers, and cigarettes. Of course this didn't all happen in one year, it took many years of him slowly pushing the limits of what he could and couldn't do before he finally settled on a thin line of which rules he could brake.  
-  
An apple was held firmly in Richie's teeth as he sprinted down the stairs, pulling on his black shirt as he ran down the steps. He gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek before he took off towards school. Of course one of the rules he kept pushing on was how late he could sleep in. He knew he could easily wake up 10 minuets earlier and get to school on time, but where's the fun in that? Richie through the school doors open as he ran to his Math class that he was now 12 minuets late for.

He threw his mauled apple in a nearby trash can before he opened the door to Mr. Frank's class. Mr. Frank stopped talking on his entry, giving him a glare. He simply handed him a detention slip and pointed to Richie's empty seat. "Sorry Mr. Frank won't happen again." Richie lied smoothly, "That's what you said last week Mr. Tozier." The teacher gave him no more of his time as he began teaching again. Richie sat down in his seat next to Eddie, lazily taking a drink from Eddie's water bottle.

Eddie glared angrily at him, "Do you how many germs are in your mouth! Thousands you Ape!" Eddie whispered annoyed at Richie. Richie just snicked and patted Eddie roughly on the back. Eddie winced and glared at him harder. Richie just laughed harder causing Mr. Frank to move Eddie to the other side of the class. Eddie glared at him the whole journey to his new desk, blaming him for getting yelled at. Richie spent the rest of the class alone and bored.  
-  
Richie soon realized at lunch that he had forgotten his kit bag, and of course that had his lunch in it. Richie frowned as he plopped down across from Beverly and Ben. "This is Madness! How could something like this happen to me! Unbelievable!" "What are you complaining about this time drama queen?" Eddie asked annoyed as he sat down next to him. "I left my lunch at home. HOOOOOOOOOOOOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME! I MADE A MISTAKEEEEEEEE-" "Shut up!" Stan muttered slapping Richie's head as he passed by to sit down next to Eddie.

"Hey, this is a catastrophe! Take it seriously!" "T-the on-only Cat-cat-catastrophe is that you a-are st-st-still talking." Bill stuttered out throwing a plastic fork at the other male. The others laughed at the remark causing Richie to get annoyed. Richie took this opportunity to steal half of Eddie's PB&J, the shorter boy crying out in protest before the bread met the jaws of it's next predator. "Frig you Richie!" Eddie snapped, "Is that an invitation?" Eddie choked on his juice box and blushed red at his friend.

The rest of the Losers squad laughed as Eddie nervously chuckled with a red face.


	2. The words I wish you never said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me. The characters are all in high school in this fanfic so this is not force shipping 11 year olds so please don't be rude to people who read this. <3
> 
> I was going to post this later in the week but my friend pushed me pass my procrastination.

Before detention that afternoon Eddie met Richie at his locker, he looked really nervous and unsure. Eddie had said that he wanted to hang out after Richie got out of detention he was to meet Eddie by the flagpole outside the school. Richie, of course agreed because he was in the mood for playing some retro games at the local arcade. So, this lead to Richie impatiently shifting in his desk as he waited for detention to end. When the teacher finally said the first words of dismissal he was out of the classroom and making his way quickly to his and Eddie's meeting spot. 

As he approached Eddie he noticed that the boy looked even more nervous than earlier, Richie took this as an opportunity to sneak up behind his friend and scare him. Eddie jumped a feet when he felt hands an his side tasering him. "FU- DUDE WHAT THE HELL! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" Richie just laughed at Eddie's angry face, laughing even harder when Eddie began to halfheartedly slap his arm. " Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Lets just get going to the arcade, I'm ready to blow some heads off with the new zombie game they got!" Eddie looked down sadly before smiling wide at him and nodding. Richie was confused about why he looked sad for a moment there before he shrugged it off as nothing, maybe he had a lot of homework or something.

They began walking in the direction of the arcade when Eddie stopped outside a coffee shop, "How about we get a drink before we go to the arcade?" Eddie looked nervous when he asked for some reason, "O hell ya, that's sounds f**king great." Richie smiled wide at the shorter boy who smiled weakly back. Richie did his best to ignore his friends glances at him as he ordered their hot chocolates, because they could both agree that hot cocoa was way better than any coffee could be. After a short wait they got their drinks and sat down at a booth in the corner of the shop.

Eddie sat fidgeting in his seat, not looking up at Richie, "Ok Eds, what's up. You're acting weird." Eddie jumped slightly, "Don't call em Eds..." He said weakly shifting awkwardly as he noticed Richie was not laughing at his protest to the nickname. "Ok, fine... I brought you here because I have something to tell you. And it's important so don't interrupt me." Richie feigned hurt, "I-I would never!" Eddie laughed lightly before clearing his throat, "Ok, ok. Go on."

Eddie nodded before nervously trying to find a place to start. Richie waited quietly for Eddie to start, wondering what Eddie could want to tell him. Maybe that he was moving? Or that he was secretly my long lost brother? Or maybe he was just pulling a prank on Richie to get back at him for all the times Richie had pranked him? Anyway, Eddie looked at Richie sacred as he opened his mouth to say what he was going to tell Richie. "R-Richie... I-I Think I'm gay." Everything around Richie froze. What? this wasn't what he was expecting. But oh no, there was more,, "An-and I think I... I think I like-like you."

Richie couldn't breathe, what was happening. "You-your joking right?" Eddie's blushing face turned to one of surprise, "N-no, why would I joke about this." Richie nervously laughed, "Um, Eddie this isn't a funny joke. "IT'S NOT A JOKE RICHIE!" Eddie said loudly, his face a deep red shade. Richie stopped laughing and turned to a look of disgust, "You're a Fag?" Richie asked harshly standing up. Eddie looked up at the boy he loved in horror. "Stay away from me fag, don't come near me ever again." Richie snapped enraged as he turned around and left the shop leaving behind a broken hearted boy.

Richie stomped down the street on his way back home. He couldn't believe that his friend was one of those disgusting fags. He did what his parent said to do if one of them ever tried to infect him, so why did it feel like acid in his mouth when he said those words? The words he said were true, homosexuals were disgusting but why did it hurt his heart when he thought of the look on Eddie's face? Richie shook his heard, trying to clear the thoughts, it was probably because he felt bad that his friend had to be the one who got corrupted. He felt pity for him, if only God could have saved him from this misfortune.

Richie let out a sad sigh, if he had stayed with his church friends he never would have had to be around a homo for so long. He'd need to take a long shower tonight.


	3. The raw burn of my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me. The characters are all in high school in this fanfic so this is not force shipping 11 year olds so please don't be rude to people who read this. <3
> 
> Posted and written on a phone, sorry if there is a bunch of random spelling mistakes ;-;

The scalding water burned his skin as he stood under the faucet. The water made his skin turn an ugly shade of red, a painful sensation coming from every one of his nerves. His mind kept replaying what had happened over and over again like a broken record. The pain in his cheat deepening with each breath of the thick air, this was from pitying the other boy of course.

Richie turned off the shower, his body thanking him for the releaf of the hot liquid. He ran a angry red hand through his hair , shaking out droplets of water as he exited the shower. As he exited the bathroom he took a glance at his reflection in the fogged glass. It was a pitiful one, his skin was an ugly red shade and his curly hair was slick back on his head, many pieces of his black hair beginning to stand up in different directions. His brown eyes were redish which he could only blame on the heat.

Richie shivered as he exited the bathroom, his body shrinking in on itself from the sudden temperature drop. His wet feet made slapping sounds as he walked across the hardwood to his room. Upon reaching his room he slipped into pajamas that consisted of a tank top and plad pants.

The cool fabric of the unworn clothes gave his irritated skin a sweet bliss as he slipped them on. He then went to his bag and removed a small gold cross on a chain. His parents had made him wear this all the time, but after leaving his church friends for his new ones he had taken it off each time he got to school. But now, with a sense of familiarity he slipped the chain around his neck.

The chain felt like ice against his hot skin as it rested comfortably in the middle of his chest. He then went to his window and got down on his knees in prayer position. He closed his eyes and ducked his head and prayed to his God. He prayed for forgiveness for his sins, he prayed for good fortune for tomorrow, he thanked him for his gift of life, and finally prayed to help Eddie in his confused times.

Once his prayers were complete he turned off the lights and slipped into bed. As he closed his eyes he began to relive his relationship with Eddie, looking for all the indications he missed that Eddie would turn out like this. He then reached to today, the words still fresh in his mind. 

For a brief moment, a very brief moment, he questioned whether the church was right about homosexuals. Then he fell asleep.


	4. The sting of a broken nose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me. The characters are all in high school in this fanfic so this is not force shipping 11 year olds so please don't be rude to people who read this. <3
> 
> Here we goooooooooooo, sorry for my chapter being so short last time. :(

Richie came to school on time today, entering in with his church friends, Michael, Jacob, and Conner. He entered in with them as if he had done it everyday for the past decade and had not been with other friends. Some people looked surprised at the fact he was here on time as he entered his class, but quickly regained their composer and returned to their personal activities. Richie took his usual seat and played on his phone as he waited for the class to start, not even looking up as Eddie shuffled into the classroom quietly.

The day continued on normally, well as normal as it can be when you were hanging out with a different group of friends. He hadn't spared a glance to his usual hangout spots even when he saw a flash of red hair, or heard the stutter of Bill, he didn't even give them a twitch of his eye muscles. He just went on his day not even bothering to think about how he had crushed his best friend's heart and was no ignoring all his friends. Speaking of his old friends, now that he was back with Jacob, Michael, and Conner he found out certain things that had somehow went under his radar before.

Like how Bill and Stan were dating. He had known about Bev and Ben, but the fag couple he had somehow missed. It made him sick to think that they hadn't told him about their relationship even though it had been going on for a year. Yea, a whole year. Jacob had seen them kissing in a empty classroom last year so that's how they knew. How could they have not trusted him enough to- wait that wasn't the problem with this new information. No, the problem was that they were fags. Another two of his 'friends' had been tainted, how unfortunate.

Richie and Conner were making their way to 3d period chemistry when suddenly Richie was punched to the face. "You bastard! How could you! You cold hearted monster, you disgusting creature you-you-." before Bill could finish what he was saying he was being held back by Stan, "Bill we talked about this, you said you weren't going to do this!" "How could I not after what he did to Eddie!" 

"I'm supprised you didn't stutter B-B-B-Bill." Richie let out a laugh as he held his bleeding nose. Both Bill and Stan ceased talking as Richie spoke. "I mean I understand you two fags are pissed, but why don't you go suck some dick in hell and leave me alone. Geeze, I'll have to bleach my face to get the fag off me after this." Richie's voice was dripping in venom as he spoke. However before the now seething Bill could respond to Richie a teacher came running and broke it up, sending Bill and Stan to the principle's office and Richie to the nurse.

Conner highfived Richie before taking off to his class, wishing his nose a good healing. Richie made his way to the nurses office, some kids giving him highfives as he past, others glaring, and others avoiding him all together. It didn't take long for the hallways to clear as the next period started, Richie still holding his bloody nose with one hand as he walked through the deserted halls. After a little more of a walk he reached the white door with big red letters on it saying 'Nurse's Office-All welcomed~'. Richie pushed the door open with his shoulder, smiling from under his bloodied hand as the nurse saw him.

The nurse began to quickly clean up his face and patch up his wound. She gave him an ice pack and some Advil to relive the pain, informing him he had broken his nose. Richie snickered to himself when he found out, dang Bill was pretty strong for such a skinny kid, or maybe it was just because he was so angry. After the treatment Richie waited in the room until it was time for next period. Thankfully next period was lunch and he went to his friends. He sat down next to Michael who complemented his nose with a snicker. Richie shoved him playfully and went to eat his lunch.

He was happily munching on his pear when Jacob roughly hit his shoulder and pointed, "Look! The fag's pisssssssssed!" he snickered, "You better give him a matching bruise Rich!" Richie rolled his eyes as he stood up to see Stan and Beverly approaching him. "Why?" Richie look confused at the roughly said question causing Stan to rephrase his question, "Why did you do that to Eddie, I thought you were a good guy Richie." Richie rolled his eyes at this, "And I thought you weren't a fag, turns out we were both disappointed." this caused Beverly to get pissed and went to punch Richie in his already bruised face.

Thankfully, Richie was able to catch he fist before it hit him and held it tight, "Come on baby, don't get so rough. That's my job." he smirked at her disgusted face before glancing up at Ben who shouted for him to let go of her. Before Richie could say anything Conner stood up with a spoonful of his grandmother's awful potatoes. "Shut it Fatzo!" with that Ben received potato to the face. "YOU BITCH!" Beverly screamed as she broke free of Richie and grabbed a juice box and dumping it over Conner's head. Richie then grabbed her by the hair and dumped yogurt all through it.

And thus, a food fight began.


	5. The Pleasure of a Complement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me. The characters are all in high school in this fanfic so this is not force shipping 11 year olds so please don't be rude to people who read this. <3
> 
> Sorry for the long wait guys :(

Richie starred back at the principle's hard glare without any worry. He knew that his parents were going to be here soon, but he also knew he wasn't going to be getting in any trouble for what he did either. Actually, he was pretty sure they were going to praise him for what he did. It might sound stupid that that was the fact, but honestly it was the truth. So, he sat there without any fear, staring back at him with a relaxed expression, tapping his fingers against the chairs air absentmindedly. This of course only got the Principle more angry as Richie seemed to not get worried at all. He opened his mouth to yell at Richie when suddenly the door was opened.

The principle sent Richie one more glare before turning and smiling at his parents. Richie was sent out of the room and spent some time waiting before his parents emerged and he was dismissed from the school with a week suspension. He had not only started the food fight, but had also discriminated other students sexuality. His parents angrily began to drive once he got into his car. "I can not believe that man!" exclaimed his dad before continuing, "Angry at my son for doing what's right! The bullshit! You acted in a way God would be proud of, he shouldn't be punished for that!"

His mother touched his arm lightly with the same disproving look, "This just shows how much those Homos have control over the society already." "I know honey, it truly makes me sick. But don't fret Richard I am proud of you, you did what you should have in this situation, God is proud as well." Richie nodded numbly as he stared out the window. For some reason his stomach was churning and when his dad said he was proud he got some form of sick happiness. He didn't understand why, he did the right thing, God is proud of him. His dad is proud of him. So he should be proud of his actions as well, right?

Richie shook this off as they pulled in the driveway. Richie got out and waved goodbye at his parents who had to return to work now. He watched them leave the driveway from the living room until they vanished from sight. The second he saw their car turn the familiar corner to the highway he slumped over on the couch. This was so annoying. Not only was this going to be on his record for the rest of school life, but now his head was pounding from his broken nose. Why did his day have to turn into such a shit show so quickly, it was such a bother.

He spent the rest of his day chilling in his room watching youtube and eating chips, trying to distract himself from the weird feeling he had in his stomach. It worked for the most part until he came across a video titled 'Gay is ok' he froze as he read it before quickly throwing his phone on the other side of his bed and went to go play something on his Playstation. He was playing the game Dragon Inquisition happily when suddenly one of the conversations with a male in his party took an unexpected turn, asking him on a date in fact. 

He just turned off his playstation and angrily laid down in his bed. Why was everything going so shitty today. Why could he barely look at the word gay without feeling sick. Was it cause he hated it? He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, biting his lip. This feeling when he saw it wasn't hate. It was not the same feeling of when he looked at something he disliked. It wasn't anything liked that. But that made no sense. He was supposed to hate Homos, they were vile creatures that should be purged from this world. They go against God! They...they...

Why are they so bad? He sat up abruptly shaking his head furiously at that thought. Adam and Eve, Adam and eve, not Adam and Steve. He repeated the words of his parents in his head as his breathing sped up. Why was it not working? Why was this feeling getting worse? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just be like his parents and despise them without a second thought? Maybe because it didn't make sense why they were so different and scandalous compared to normal love? After all love was something you feel, it shouldn't matter the-

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?!?" he yelled out suddenly, standing on his feet. He began pacing in his room angrily, this was beginning to get under his skin how he kept on acting like this. Maybe reading the bible would help him out? No, he never enjoyed reading that thing, it was too thick. Why was he looking for reinsurance for why being gay wasn't ok? Shouldn't he know this already? Why was he freaking out about this? Why was the room- He quickly sat back down on his bed as the room began to spin due to his rushed breathing. Maybe he had asthma like Eddie.

He let out a light laugh before stopping and staring down at the ground dully. Eddie... he couldn't get that heart broken face out of his head. How he destroyed his whole world so quickly with only a few words. He gripped his shirt tightly right above his chest, it hurt so bad. He hated how much it hurt. He shifted his body to a more comfortable position as he sat on his bed, causing something cold to touch his sweaty hand. He flinched as he felt it, looking down to see the metal cross he used to always wear. For some reason when he looked at it he didn't get the same pride that he used to when he looked at it. For some reason it made his stomach feel even more sick.

He found himself removing it from his neck and in one swift motion throwing it to the other side of the room. He watched it thunk against the wall before falling down onto the dark wood. He just stared at in in shock, horrified that he had treated the cross in such a way. But that was not the only thing that horrified him, no there was something much worse. What horrified him the most was that he felt happy that he had gotten it off of him. Happy like he had just removed some burden from himself. He shakily returned to laying on his bed and closed his eyes, going into an uneasy rest.


	6. Swirling in my Stomach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU hope you guys enjoy, sorry for the long wait! <3  
> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me.~  
> OwO I have nothing else to say so enjoy!

Richie's 'situation' didn't get any better as he tossed and turned sweaty in his sheets. Everything seemed to make him uncomfortable in his room, and the anxiety of his parent's coming in while he was sleeping and discovering his discarded necklace didn't help one bit. Actually, he had to move his laundry basket over so that it was not only covered but he wouldn't have to touch it. But that didn't even make it better, it may have gotten rid of the fear of his parents for the most part, but now it was replaced with a sick feeling of horror of the fact that he couldn't bring himself to touching something that was supposed to symbolize who he had faith in, but now for some reason felt like the bud of his despair.

But it only worse when his parents got home. Every noise of them moving making supper, cleaning, or even just laughing made him jump, anxious that they somehow knew he was having these doubts and would have to punish him for them. He couldn't relax no matter how hard he tried, shifting uncomfortably every few seconds, unable to find any position that gave him some form a pleasure. He just wanted his thoughts to stop racing and to be able to think and breathe easily again, before everything happened. Why couldn't things go back to before all these things happened?

Before he had to worry about what was right and wrong, before he lost his best friends, before he flinched at every creek his house made. But, it seemed that this wasn't possible, this wasn't a nightmare he was able to wake up from, and now he was going have to suffer through it and figure out for himself what he felt at the end of all of this. But he knew this wasn't going to easy, he didn't even understand what he was feeling anymore. He was questioning everything he used to put faith in and had no idea what was what anymore. He just wanted someone to tell him what he was supposed to do.

"Richie! Dinner time!" the yell of his mom's voice snapped him out of his thoughts making him flinch in surprise. Attempting to shake off his jitters and nervousness he went to the bathroom briefly before going downstairs and fixed himself up so his eyes looked less red. When he finally got enough courage to make his way down the stairs and sit in front of his parents, a while had already passed, causing them to present questions about his well being, which he of course answered him being being alright and him just having to use the bathroom before coming downstairs.

He of course prayed with them like usual despite the weird swirls in his stomach as he did so, and acted as close to his normal self as he could. However it was a lot harder than it normally was whenever he was with holding information from his parents. No, this time he could barely gather the courage to look up from his plate as the ate, the always present fear of his parents somehow knowing eating his insides out like a parasite. His mouth felt dry no matter how much water he drank or how much times he swallowed his spit. He couldn't stop the fear or the doubt and it was killing him.

Somehow, some form of insanity or bravery took his mind away from him and cause him to speak, "D-dad, what makes gays so different from us?" the moment he spoke it he felt his body run cold as if ice water had been dumped on him. The clinking of forks and scrapes of knives silenced as he felt his parent's stares on him. He forced himself to look up away from his food and stopped playing with his food to look up at his dad and act as if the question wasn't something weighing him down like soggy boots in a marathon. 

But he could tell by the tight smile from his mother and the awkward clearing of his throat from his dad meant that this wasn't just a random question you could bring up anywhere. "Well son, as I am sure you are already aware the first humans on this earth were Adam and Eve. If our Lord had wanted those 'fags' he wouldn't have made it a male and female now would he? No he made the original relationship between a man and a woman and it should stay that way. You can see that can't you son? I sure hope that those words from that stupid principle of yours isn't getting to you."

Richie swallowed hard at this, pretending that the same stories he was thinking every minuet for the past hour to reassure him had worked this time when his father had said them, "N-no, of course not... I just wanted to make sure I had the facts right if anyone asks why I said things they find offensive, maybe I can turn them towards the right path of God if I open their eyes." his acting had improved over the years because of the many times he had lied to them, he just hoped that they wouldn't catch his lie at such a crucial moment.

There was a silence over the table for a few tormenting moments before a smile came to his fathers face, "That's a good idea, we can always use some new faiths to the church!" with that the ice was broken and they were able to return to their meal they were having just moments before. This conversation didn't help Richie in anyway though. He felt no more sure of which side he was on anymore. He couldn't make any sense of why that was the only reason to hate gays. He couldn't understand why it was such a big deal to his dad. He couldn't understand.

And it made him sick. He wasn't supposed to question these things. He wasn't supposed to. He was supposed to follow his lord without question and leave his faith with him for the rest of his days even when he was in heaven. But it wasn't working. He just couldn't make sense of this teaching. He couldn't understand no matter how many times he went over the words of his father, no matter how many times he went to church, no matter how many times he prayed for answers to his problem. No answers ever came to him, and it felt like he was drowning.

Why couldn't things just go back to what they were like before.

 

What they were like with Eddie...


	7. The Taste of Ashe on my Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is easier if you just go along with what you have to, not braking the rules and just doing what you have to, but that isn't Richie. He has a knack for getting in trouble and running his mouth when he knows he shouldn't. But there is certain rules he wont brake, the ones his parents make sure he knows he can never brake. Richie knows the easiest ways to not brake those rules would be to stay with his church friends, but the temptation was too strong and he became friends with others. He knew he shouldn't have, and now his life is an utter hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU hope you guys enjoy, sorry for the long wait! <3  
> I don't own any of the It characters, they belong to Stephen king not me.~  
> Thanks for reading up till now! <3

Richie watched dully as the white swirls floated gently in front of him before fading away into the chilly evening air. Between his thin fingers sat a small white stick that's life slowly burned away into ash as the seconds went on. Richie continued looking forward dully before taking another intake of smoke, holding it longer than he should have before letting it out in vicious coughs, his throat painfully tightening at each cough.

Richie adjusted his position on top of the shingles of his roof. His loud coughing cleared after a few seconds of the painful fit. Running a bruised hand through his hair he put out the cigarette, leaving the crushed white stick amidst the large pile of similar sticks and ashes that had grown quite big over the past month and a half. Smoking, and old habit he had never quite given up but also didn't indulge in frequently.

He used to do it most lunches with Beverly until Ben had convinced her to give it up after reading an abundance of articles about it. Beverly was his only way to get cigarettes at the time, so he too had to also give them up. But, about six months ago, months before his life had gone to shit, he had found a 'friend' who would buy cigarettes for him if he payed him the cost of them and agreed to do a few favors for him if he ever needed them.

He only ever did this once before but over the last month he found him going there almost every day to get another pack that he would smoke over the day, at times even buying two in a day if was having a bad day. This became a bad habit that he knew he should drop but he honestly didn't care anymore. It was the only relief from the stress he found himself experiencing most days and the dirty looks from teachers or some students.

Richie slid his way back into his room, shutting the window behind him quietly behind him. He flopped on his bed, rubbing his sore eyes, ignoring the bright clock that read 2:30 on his phone as he unlocked it. How had his life gone to shit so quickly? He used to be able to text his friends at times like this and just jokes around with them until he felt better and was able to drift off into a peaceful sleep. Now he had to smoke his cares away until he was able to face the mirror again.

Not to mention he could barely face his parents anymore without a sick feeling in his stomach and sharp pains in his chest. He couldn't face them anymore unless he had to and it was killing him. He had moved his necklace into a safer place then under his laundry basket after a close encounter with his mom one Friday night. He had smoked a whole pack that night after that to get his heart to stop racing painfully in his chest. He had moved it to one of the pockets of the shirts he never wore anymore that sat at the very bottom of his dresser.

He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't believe in what his parent's were saying anymore and he didn't know what to do about it. He wanted to be able to follow their words without question again, but he just found himself unable. He couldn't believe that their so called God that was supposed to love his children hated people that just wanted to find love. He couldn't see what was wrong with it. He never had to do anything around them before. Yah, his parents told him that they were evil and all that junk, but he never had to say anything to them.

He had went to a few protests maybe, but he never had to meet one in person. Never had to say the f word to them. He never had to feel the sting of how easily it flowed off his lips. He never had to do any of that before so he was able to just follow that belief without question. But now, he was forced to put thought into it. He had to open his eyes and not just follow it blindly behind the words of two people who had birthed him.

But to make it worse he had lost all of his friends that might have been able to help him with this. Everyone at school avoided him like the plague unless they were his church friends or if they shared the same belief as his parents about LGBTQ+. He was stuck in a place he couldn't get himself out of. He was in too deep and he couldn't get out of it. His knuckles often stayed bruised these days, punching hard objects at time to calm himself or as a way to clear his head.

What was he supposed to do now. Even if his friends were able to forgive him, his parents would never let him hang out with them ever again and he would never be able to get away with hanging out with them in secret with his church friends also attending the same school of him. Psh, but it didn't really matter in the end, his friends would never forgive the shit he said, he never will forgive the shit he said. Part of him tells him that what he said was right, a tiny part in his brain, and it makes him sick to the point that it makes him want to break down into tears.

Richie woke to his loud alarm clock. His phone was laying against his face, falling into his lap as he sat up. Another Tuesday morning for him went on, getting ready as usual, going to school and smoking a cig out behind the school until class started. He did the same at lunch time and at break, avoiding being inside as much as he could, not wanting to see any of his friends or his church friends, hell, he didn't want to see anyone in that damn school if he could help it.

But he had to, and of course it was also the day he had gym. He used to like gym, after all it meant no desk work. But now all he wanted was desk work, no one would talk to him and he didn't have to talk to anyone. Didn't have to see people shift uncomfortably around him, could ignore the glares and scared looks he got. But with gym he was forced to change in a room with others, had to do team activities with others.

He couldn't skip this class though, it was the only class keeping his mark from dropping down to the the point of failing. So he found himself changing in a room with other guys, trying to keep to himself in one of the corners. As he stood there today however he found himself thinking. What did guys find attractive in other guys? He had only ever looked at girls and what he found attractive in them,but he found himself wondering what gay guys found attractive in other guys.

So he found himself casually glancing at different parts of guys in his gym class as he changed. He looked at them in a different way he hadn't before, a romantic way, seeing what it was like. Strong arms around you, smooth chests. Them helplessly under- Richie froze with his gym shirt in his hands. Slipping into one of the stalls quickly as a red blush began to form on his cheeks. He felt sick, everything but his cheeks going into a pale white colour.

He was painfully aware of something down under that was a little too at attention. Richie put his head in his hands as he heard the last person leave the changing room. He let out a silent sob as he gripped his head painfully as his thoughts racing. He just thought gay thoughts. Oh God. OH GOD. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare. This. Wasn't. Real. But it was wasn't it? What is wrong with him? How-why-no... this isn't happening.

No one came to check to see where Richie was or why he had disappeared. No one noticed him slip out of the school still in his gym uniform with his clothes held tightly in his hands. No one noticed him skip the rest of the day or smoke all the cigarettes he had saved for emergency, 3 and a half packs to be exact. No one noticed him sitting in the woods at the back of his house unable to think properly as he suffered alone. No one noticed. Because Richie had lost anyone who would have noticed or even cared. 

God he was such an idiot.


End file.
